type A

when i was growing up i pretended to not care about anything. ever. truth is i cared about everything. However people are stupid and coudn't tell, or maybe some could. but a lot of my friends in irvington still think of me as a fuck up.

here's the reality.

I'm a fucking type A perfectionist.

which is why taking tennis is proving to be disastorous. In the past 4 weeks of my lessons, my game has improved so dramatically that all the people in my class are stunned as is the teacher. Like stunned, they cannot believe how much better i've gotten. Im focused, I'm driven and I really work at it.

tonight on the court, my game was so on. and i was no longer the suck ass player. and then is started, the john mcenroe melt downs. becuause I am a perfectionist and know that I'm much better, I now expect so much of myself, i expect perfection which i know is irrational and unrealistic, but tonight I missed an easy shot and screamed, threw down my racket and walked off the court, later I rolled around on the ground in pure agony. it's agony not being perfect.

the instructor said something about my competitive side coming, but i'm not competitive with other people, i do not care about other people, i'm so wrapped up in my own progress. he even pretended to hit me with the racket after a missed a shot and i didn't even notice, he was all You didn't even flinch, I was inches away from hitting you. I said I was too mad at myself to notice anything else around me.

i'm turning into john mcenroe.

oh and the girls in my class finally asked me if I wanted to play during the week. No one has aksed me before cause i suck, but now i'm good and they all want a piece. I'm kidding, but it does feel good. Man, when I focus I hyper focus, not sure it's a good thing...