cookie dough chocolate cake

I made this amazing dessert today for my friend's emmy party. You take cookie dough, put it at the bottom of a cake pan and then pour cake batter over it and cook it like you would a cake! then you let it cool, sift a little confectioners sugar to dress it up and voila. It was amazing. I served it with some french vanilla ice-cream. At the bottom of the recipe it said "VOILA, YOU'LL GET BOOTY TONIGHT" Suffice it to say, I did not get booty, there were only like 10 people at this party and the only other single person that... not so much. However my booty did get bigger thanks to the 3 helpings of my cake I heaved onto my plate.

what?

people, please don't call me early on saturday mornings? what's wrong with you? You'd think my mother would know me well enough by now that I, like every other child she has, am not a morning person. Then again she still can't remember that I don't eat red meat (since 1993) am allergic to peanut butter (since 1989). I believe the words she says every time "I just can't keep track of what you do and don't eat. It's always changing!" I play on saturdays in a all women's soccer league. It's really fun, albeit, quite hot and sunny. So this weekend we played the "lady killers." They were a little dirty for my taste, I was getting shoved left and right. We lost 3-2 although the game was so close and really exciting. And our team actually gelled and really played well. At the end of the game one of the girls from the other team, during the good game good game good game high five line, asked me what college we played for. I was like Um, I'm 30!!!!! Now i know why these girls can run circles around me, I'm 10 years older than them. Well the exciting part of the game was at the end when Dalia who plays fullback yelled at Lauren who plays stopper, "Lauren, don't you ever tell me what to do during the game again! Show me some respect!" anyway, i came home, showered and found like 8 bruises I aquired during the game. It's official, I'm a pussy!

THERE IS A GOD!!

On every t.v. show they have a person who's sole job is to feed the cast and crew. During the week they lay out b'fast, lunch, snacks and more snacks. This area of the stage is called crafts service. Well, this week I show up and we have a new crafts service person. turns out our last person had been doing a crappy job. So last night at our filming the new person rented a chocolate fountain. it's basically a champagne fountain , but chocolate cascading down and you dip in a variety of options, i.e. marshmallows, strawberries, etc. well, i planted myself next to this thing and started sticking everything I found in it to see how it would taste, with an audience watching. Apparently I crossed the line when I stuck in a green pepper slice and someone who is not even an employee on the show, suggested I step back from the chocolate fountain. when I asked the crafts service lady if the chocolate foutain would be a permanent fixture at every taping she said, it would be at some, but she has other stuff she wants to break out!! I don't think i will be able to sleep at night until I see what could possibly be better than a chocolate fountain!

bakers dozen

My friend jenny baker, code name: bakers dozen, got engaged back in april to a great guy and had her engagement party (in june) at a minor league baseball stadium in hudson valley, NY. It was home of the Hudson Valley REnegades. It was such a blast. I cannot believe how young these guys looked and how unbelievably attracted i was to almost all of them. Aren't they barely legal? I guess barely legal is still legal. Anyway here's a pic from the party. the bride is in the middle, my friend amy on the right, myself on the left!

me and my siblings

So here's a picture of me and my brother and sister from vegas last month. we were there to say goodbye to my brother who was leaving for Iraq. aren't we so cute!!!

hump day

Last night I had girls night. Which is essentially, drinking wine and eating pizza night. It was so much fun. I have a great group of girls and I"m friends with all their husbands as well, yes I'm the only single one. But we all go skiing together, and get dinners together, etcc. Now I just want to meet a man who can fit right into this friends circle or else I shall be very sad.

kindergarten

Liam's first day of kindergarten. His dad (my bro) is in iraq, so he missed it, but here it is for all my friends. My niece is also in the pic and she looks (and acts, boy is she a troublemaker) so much like me it's scary!

empty tank

I'm heading to bed now, I'm tired. I worked out for over an hour today with weights. I better start seeing some freakin results. anyway, i went to work and worked out, my life is empty, i need a man, i'm desparate.. oh, wait is a woman supposed to say that? Not sure. well, at least I'll have great triceps!!!

product tester

Okay, so my sister writes for a high end magazine, i won't say which one, but anyway, they have their annual beauty issue coming out soon and I have been asked to be one of the product testers for the products they are going to be reviewing. I was sent an eye cream, a serum and a moisturizer. I'm very excited about this because I am utterly obsessed with free products, but more specifically free beauty products. The eye cream I like, but the serum so far is pulling way far ahead. It has cleared up my skin, so either hell has frozen over or this is one solid product. funny enough, I'm also testing out another type of product, lady toys. I have been asked to be a product test er for a friend's new sexy toys website. you know the ones you use when you're by yourself.... get it... anyway, I need to get some batteries before the reviews come in... I'll link you up to my reviews when I get a chance.

the peninsula

yesterday i spent the day at the peninsula pool in beverly hills. a friend of mine had a cabana there so i went to play with her and her baby! her daughter is 6 months and the cutest!! anyway, it was very decadent. I also hung out in the presidential suite where my friend was hosting a fantasy football draft with about 10 guys. Alcohol was flowing and after about 4 months of not feeling well enough to drink, i'm not ashamed to say, I had a lovely sidecar compliments of phil. it was great. anyway later that n ight i went out with them to an amazing steak house called Sterling, where the wine flowed freely. After that we headed next door to the cabana room, where we had a table and they brough over bottles of vodka and mixers. at some point in the night, i asked my friend if he had any single friends, he said his friend steve was single. I told him to send him over cause i was going to make out with him, a byproduct of the alcohol. anyway, steve comes over and I grabbed him and made out with him on the dance floor. oh what a night, so reminiscent of college!!!! now i need to recover. my body isn't used to this abuse!

cute jeans, slutty top?

I didn't do much yesterday, just worked (i'm a writer) then worked out (i'm a neurotic wanna lose weight-er) and talked on the phone for 45 mins with a guy I met on the internet personals. The onion website to be exact. He seems really nice and totally smart and funny. WE;re going out to a tapas and wine bar tomorrow night and i'm looking forward to it. I have had my fair share of bad dates, disastorous men, etc and Lord knows I need someting to renew my faith in humanity, and this world in general. I'm not going to become one of those bitter old women who is always lamenting about not meeting the right guy, i mean, i'm totally picky, so it's partially my fault... ok, maybe i will be the bitter lady, but give me a few years and a few more failed relationships and we'll re-evaluate where we are! not sure what to wear with this guy, kevin. should I go skirt, slutty top or jeans slutty top. girls think we look so cute in cute jeans and slutty top, but i have to be honest, I've gotten more feedback from cute skirt slutty top! oh, to be young and single.

sunday morning

today i had breakfast with my cousins who were visiting from out of town to drop their daughter off at college. I met this young lady when she was 10 months old, so to see her at 18 with a dorm room and checking out college guys, it was a bit alarming. where has the time gone? that old cliche. anyway, it's a christian college and if I knew how many hot guys were going to Chrisitian colleges when I was picking schools, my fate my have been a little different. Hallejuah, Amen! yes, i was checking out 18 yr, old Christian ass. Hey, i'm a woman. Then I watched the six feet under finale and was totally blown away. I wish I was even remotely as talented a writer as the writers on that show, or as talented an actess as Francis Conroy or talented in any arena for that matter!!!

fred segal

went to fred segal cafe for lunch today, seriously amazing food! why haven't I thought about eating there before? I can't believe no one has shared this great little lunch place with me, i feel betrayed by my city and it's inhabitants. anyway, if you go, try to the veggie and chicken combo, it will blow your mind. then i got my nails done. due to my neverending african parasite I had an attack of intestinal distress and decided to throw myself yet another pity party, take a vicodin and down a few glasses of wine...

daddy daycare

Had a second date with daddy day care, the totally hot guy i met at the oakland airport, who talked to me for 3 hours who i was TOTALLY psyched to go out with, only to find out he had an 11yr old who lives with him. Here's the deal, i'm so immature I cannot be a mommy to an 11 yr old! I can barely start my own car in the morning!! anyway, the 2nd date didn't go as well as the first, for some insane reason, he's agains rent control which make me against him!! But saw 40 yr old virgin which i thought was v. funny!

The Pub

had dinner at my friends house last night, they have a baby girl who is so freaking cute and has gotten so big. she's 5 months old, man i love babies! anyway, i have a second date tonight with a guy who i met at oakland airport. he is so cute and i was so excited for the 1st date until 2/3 way through he told me he had an 11 year old. PERSON. not like an 11 year old car or something i could get behind. anyway, he's 29 years old and he has a daughter who lives with him. i'm still turning that one over in my head if i really want to take this any further. I mean, i'm totally immature, i can't be around an 11 yrd old. Unless of course she has a subscription to Teen People! then i could like her. anyway, some people think it's no big deal. that i'm 30 and most likely i'm going to be meeting men with kids or divorced or with baggage. . we all have baggage, but yikes!! i'll let you know how it goes.

colonoscopy

I had a colonoscopy yesterday. it was totally fine, the procedure itself, but damn, the prep was brutal. you couldn't eat for an etire day, nothing at all, then you had to drink this laxative stuff and you shit your brains out, like nothing i've experienced my entire life!!!! wow, all night with that thing. anyway, turns out i have some f-ed up valve in my bowel. like i need another reason for men to be turned off of me

WHAT'S WRONG WITH WOMEN

riddle me this.... is it wrong to cancel a second date that you have kinda been looking foward to because you feel fat? I literally did this today, i feel fat, and was lying in bed thinking, i can't go on this date, especially after drinking this weekend, etc. So i asked the guy to resched. for tomorrow night. I'll let you know how it turns out.

the ex

I hate my ex. we were long distance, then he OBVIOUSLY started seeing someone where he lives, so he ignored me for a while because he didn't have the balls to tell me, then he dumped me, then we get back together for like a second, have a great time and then he comes to my birthday party and totally ignores me, like he's never met me before!!!! Literally, i was like what is his deal?!?! So then when he leaves, tells me he wants to hang out before I go back home, i don't call him because he ignored me at my birthday party. Then a month later, he sends me an email, that is so manufactured and gives this fake reason why he needs to talk to me, i fall for it reply back and never hear from him. Now all my friends are like "that was such a fake reason why he emailed you. He just wanted to know how much trouble he was in so he reaced out to you, and then as soon as you emailed him back, he knew he was ok and now doesn't care." well, if that's it, i hate being so fucking nice to people. The reason why i replied to him was because I thought I was helping his friend out for information on a country i travelled in. he said he was trying to help his friend out by getting info from me. what a lying sack of loser shit! I FUCKING HATE HIM!!!

the big announcement

So i've decided not to tell my friends anything about my dating life and will be strictly reporting on it in my blog. Why you ask? well, let me tell you a thing or two about women, they like to stick their nose in things they shouldn't. They are also very annoying. and i'm a woman, so i think i'm allowed to say this. when i tell my friends i have a date, i get innudated with so many questions about what I'm wearing, who he is, his profile name so they can look at him, where we're going, etc. I mean the list literallyl goes on and on, then the next day i'm bombarded with emails wanting to know how it went. then that's followed up by the daily questions about whether mr. X has called or emailed and then i feel terrible having to say no if i really liked the guy. anyway, this has led me to be able to tell only one person just to get the story off my chest, it's going to be you the public. and no one is probably reading this thing anyway, so that's even more of an incentive!

now all i have to do is get a date...

is this thing for real

nothing much has been going on the past few, i had another bad date, well not bad per se, but not promising, not sure those things go hand in hand. Anyway, tonight I have to go to NY for a friend's wedding. I'm wearing my roomates dress which is a little tight so instead of sitting on my ass here and typing this out, i should be at the gym, trying to make this thing look more flattering. oh well, anyway, I'm taking the red eye and plan to drug myself up with ambien to make sure I fall asleep instead of being kept awake by the overweight person next to me who hogs all the room, particularly the arm rest. Did you know that they have seat belt extendors?? Now, like I said I'm no slim jim but If i'm asking the flight attendant for a seat belt exetendor, i'd like to think i'd take a good hard look at my life and think maybe it's time to dial back on the doritos if you knwo what i'm saying.