Oh yeah, it happened, the thing I didnt think could ever happen, happened! FOX PASSED. More devastation about that later. SO my producers called me today to tell me, and felt so bad and he said "i just wish people would just let funny people be funny," and they have a project they want to talk to me about. Probably the most frustrating thinga bout this entire journey is I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ON IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

I wanted to be in business school in september '09, not picking myself off the pavement and heading into pitching to all the networks! Now before you say anything, yes I realize that THOUSANDS of writers NEVER get the opportunity to walk into a network pitch and have the executives scream their names in delight, so yes I recognize that I have acheived a level of success in this industry attained by very few, that being said, i made a decision to leave the failing tv business a year ago and put my skill set to something entirely different and that didn't work out and now i'm trapped in this vortex of fuck-iness. I just wanted to be doing something different but when I was rejected from every biz school, i recommitted to this biz, although really what alternative did I have? curl up in the fetal position and do nothing? well that's not an option for me at least. on that note, i have become that friend that all other friends say the following to after each passing rejection "i admire you so much for keep throwing your hat in the right amid constant disppointments!" OH GREAT NOW I'M THAT FRIEND! i liked it much better being the friend no one took seriously and didn't expect much from, but then went on to achieve great success as a tv writer, but nooooooo that role has stopped and now i'm the friend who is like some freaking perserverance superhero who conjures up Pity in others.

the reality is, after hearing that I got passed on by fox, i wanted to go out and do something horrible, but i couldn't even think of anything. I'm too fucking nice and that needs to change now, but i dont even have the energy to be a bitch or mean or an asshole. But what has being nice gotten me? amazing friends? eh, i'd rather have a job at this point. I just never thought being such a nice, loyal, reliable, honest human who gives back to humanity on a regular basis would reap me such heartache, rejection and constant disappointment. I mean the Bible says you reap what you sow, so WTF? I've been sowing good shit like crazy and i'm not reaping crap! not even a good Greys anatomy premiere last night so that was 2 more hours of torture...

ok, off to the gym to work it out and then i'll be back to my spirited self.