MY NEW THEORY

I died during my appendicitis.

And instead of going to heaven, I've been sent to hell.

which looks an awful lot like Los Angeles and doesn't say much about my friends who can still see me...

157

i got on the scale this morning scared of what i was going to see as i have been eating a lot these past few days and low and behold I am 157 which is the exact weight i was when i first weighed myself after my surgery.

i know it may sound like a lot and for most people it would be, but its' not for me cause i guess i have a lot of muscle, i dont know. Anyway, before my surgery i was 165, so i'm glad this weight has stayed off, through much work i have to be honest, working out, eating very little and writing down all the calories... oh yes, i'm insane!

in case you're wondering what it's like to be me...

this is a very accurate way of putting yourself in my shoes!

this is how i feel every day of my life even if i dont act it... this is why Amy calls me JOB (the guy from the bible that had all the bad luck)


i am charlie brown and God (if he actually exists which i'm not so sure he does) is Lucy... he always makes it seem like he's going to FINALLY allow me to kick the ball... and then.... well you know the rest.

it's a sad day when you think the best thing to happen to you this year was a surprise $90,000 surgery....

IT'S OFFICIAL

i have been rejected at every network! woo hoo.

the producer loves this pitch so much she wants to take it to some cable places. grrrr. i currently hate the pitch and i dont want to do it anywhere at this point.

i'm so sick of things not working out for me. Like the pitch or the disappearing boy who has... disappeared again. or just read through my blog and youll see nothing ever works out for me...

how much more can i take?! serioulsy

p.s. i know i dont have it as bad as 90% of this world, so please dont email me platitudes like 'everything happens for a reason"

two networks passed on my pitch. the 2 i didn't think would wnat it anyway, so it's no surprise.

i went out with disppaearing boy last week and had a great time, then he texted me all sunday afternoon, but didn't ask me out?!?! remi says I'm prob. in the mix of women he's dating. FUCK MEN!

i'm working right now furiously on my MTV project... i have something that is due today, but i'm not sure i'll have it done before my pitch at the final network this afternoon. i'll prob. have to come back to the guild after my pitch and finish it up (or finish it from my office at home i suppose) I'm stressed about it as there are 7 exec. producers on the project and they're not all going ot get on board with the entire thing i'm sending them...

i'm so tired from working so hard, i've been on the go for weeks. hopefully after my movie pitch on friday (that i need to write wed and thurs) i can get a massage or go to bed for the weekend!!!

so last night i had to go to a party for my friends baby and I drove Kristin and on the way there she told me about how... ok, i'm going to start from the beginning..

there's a super cute guy who works at the lounge, i'd even go as far to say he was hot.
so one day we found ourselves in the elevator together and i totally flirted with him and this is when i was living with kristin and i wen tohome and told her... well she started using the lounge and guesss who i saw her flirthing with?!@!?! so then yesterday i guess she ran into him at kings road, he was with another friend of ours, and then she was crossing the streeet and was halmost hit by a car and GUESS WHO WAS DDRIVING IT!!! so she is obsessed with "meet cute" stories, that's why she never tells anyone if she's dating a guy she met online, but it's not a meet cute story and she likes a good story, so the fact that she almost got hit by him, she thinks this is a sign... come to find out he expressed interest in her to their mutual friend and so i think they're going out and kristin decides to tell me this while lost in bumble fuck LA trying to find this party last night... so yeah, she stole my BF!!! i cannot believe her "and shekeeps saying stuff like "well if you dont want me to go out with him I wont," but really can i say "ok" cause she'd probl go out with him anyway.

I'm not sure about this, but now i kinda suspect that she came to the writers guild only after i said there was a hot writer there....

Yesterday I had to write but it was good cause i got a lot of work done. I met kristin at insomnia and she wrote as well. I should also write today but i'm not sure i'm going to be able to.

last night i went to the party thrown by one of the cast members of bones. I was psyched to go cuase he's super cute, but when off the set he does something with his hair that makes him look kinda gay. anyway,it was a huge freakin party and i ran into other people i knew there as well. great music oh and in the middle of the party aroujnd 1am they started serving BITE SIZED GRILLED CHEESE SANDWHICHES!! it was GENIUS! they would put them on the trays and wouldn't even get in the back yard before the tray would be empty, people were FREAKING out over them. naturally today i feel totally sick as i had about 12 of them: oh they are so small i said to myself... not if u have 12, they pretty much amount to 4 sandwiches!!!

oh and johnny sweep the leg from the karate kid was at the party, i know him through the old roomate.

so yesterday I spent the day pitching to 3 networks my sitcom pilot. It was so intense, you go into these room with these execs and put on a little play for 20 mins. and ih ad to do that 3 times yesterday and then i went out and got drunk. I had remi and carrie over for wine and then they went to a dinner party and I drank a little by myself and then walked to dominikcs to meet up with kristin where i proceeded to drink a lot more and wanted to go home with the guy sitting next to me which turned out to be a director from my favorite show!!! it was coool cause my friend came by to say hi to me and she's a tv director so i think i might have gotten her at least a meeting to direct my fave show.... and then i could meet my tv boyfriend, again!!!

anyway, pitching is so hard for the soul as the studio i work with loooooved my pitch and so when i went in to pitch it it's hard b/c these people dont laugh or sometimes they yawn and when that happens i start hating on myself something fierce and start an inner dialogue WHILE also pitching on the outside!



on thurs I was walking past that restaurant across from Toast and saw natalie maines from the dixie chicks, love her! did u ever see their documentary? it rocks, she rocks.

so today i had to get up early to go to the LA parking permits office to get a permit for my new apt. I did this a month ago, but they wouldn't give me my new permit to park there b/c my car wasn't registered to that address. Apparently when i last regsitered my car i was supposed to be able to predict the future of my new address and put it down.

so i had to go to burbank to AAA to get a new registrattion, it only cost 20 bucks, i can see why too as they took 3 seconds to punch in my new address and hit print. Then u have to pay for the parking permits, you basically have to pay to live in your neighborhood. wahts' the point of paying for these things. i understand having permits for those who prove they live htere, but 30 bucks it lame, THEN i had to get 2 visitor permits, now sure no one visits me, but just in case! Also maybe eventualy i'll get a BF. oh and these visitor permits at 15 bucks each and are only good for 4 months!

anyway, on my drive home i was at the corner of doheny and 3rd when a grey new range rover made a left onto doheny in front of me. I thought huh, that guys looks like an older keifer sutherland, and as he drove by me i was like THAT IS KEIFER SUTHERLAND smoking a cigartette at 9:30am!!! he's v. cute even when lookign old.

a hangover

i have a hangover, and feeling nauseas (sp??) which is unfortunate as I am leaving the WGA to go pitch to SONY my pilot... grr. whatevs, this is a practice pitch that doens't count, but it leads me to believe something i suspected... i'm TOTAL FUCKING LIGHTWEIGHT NOW!!!

I SAW DAVE ANNABELLE FROM BROTHERS AND SISTERS AT THE GROVE YESTERDAY. he's ridic hot!@!!!!!!! omg omg omg omg! love him!!!!

this is a queer pic of him i foudn, he looks so much better in person!!

today i have to head to some hotel in burbank where i'm pitching my show to sony for a pre pitch (i pitch to all the major networks on friday!!! excpet ABC which is next tues.) i guess they're too busy to go back to the studio so it's going to be weird... like my life!!!

i have a po box b/c i moved out of one place 6 weeks before i could move into my new place. so i needed a place to forward my mail. i go there like every three days or so, and this morning i swung by and my box was packed! i had this thick envelope from the writers guild taht was a residual envelope, meaning checks were inside and from the looks of it A LOT OF CHECKS!!!!

so i tear open the envelope and indeed a ton of checks seven of them!!!! woo hoo i thought to myself until i saw how much they were for: SEVEN BUCKS EACH!!!!!!!

a whopping 49 bucks. hey i is not complaining, because i got my cell phone bill and that was for like over 50 bucks so that worked out nicely.

ran 2 miles last night at the gym, i'm building back up to my former self!!

i've realized today that I think I"m immature that's why i'm not in a relationship and dress like a college co-ed.

It's not like a like fart sounds, but I would never turn down a build your own sundae bar, in fact I fancy them more than I do cocktail parties.

went to this place called americas cup last night wehre you serve yoruself fro yo, then put on as many toppings as you like and then they weigh it and charge you. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED THIS PLACE! I told my cousin I was coming back every day (problem: its like an hour south of me) but see i'm immature. what grown up delights in such things?

as most of u know, i work at the writers guild lounge every day (week days)

today they posted a sign that the loungue is closing for negotiations of the contract and could be closed for like a year!!! this is the only place where i can write from and it's a great resource and it's a place where i have a little contact with others!

so i got on the phone and i'm currently leading a revolt, even got a petition. I guess I'm a leader. Now we can't keep this place but i'm aksing for an alternative!!! or a compromise!!!

monday monday

sooo yesterday i ate like a pig and didn't go to the gym.

hey did i tell u i saw brekkin myers at toast the other morning... WITH A BABY?!?! when did that guy have a baby?! v. confused. also saw sarah silverman's SISTER at my ghetto prison gym... celebs: they're just like you and me, they're cheap!

went to the O.C. yesterday to help my cousin decorate her "hall" she's an R.A. at her Christian College. Her mom (my first cousin) was down from seattle so I drove down and we decorated the hall her theme is "rockstar" and then we went to the other floors and saw what they were doing and then made fun of them (very Christian of us!)

sat. night I went to this comedy show where one of the guys from Bones was hosting, went with a friend of mine who directs that show and then got invited to another cast members big party next weekend, so psyched.

learned that my ex-BF from like 2 years ago "has let himself go and has gotten really fat." what 27 year old guy can get fat? huh? why is it good to hear these things.

big week this week pitching to 3 networks, have my MTV bible due and need to finsih my movie pitch. Waiting for a call from a friend of the girl who the MTV show is about to tell me all about her and what she's REALLY like, swear!

so i'm a little hungover from my date which is surprising as i only had 3 beers and yesterday i drank 1 gallon of water! huh, weird.

anyway, we went to 3rd stop, sat out side, he was late (he said he had to help a girl in his building who ran out of gas in the parking lot) not sure i believe the "i am late becaue i helped a damsel in distress" story cause this is LA and people like to tell stories. i also say this because he called me at 8:23 to say he was going to be 10 mins late, IF he in fact did come across a girl who had no gas in her car at 8:23 i imagine he woudl assume he's going ot be more than 20 mins late, THEN if he came across her at 810pm he would've called then and said hey i'm going to be 10 mins late. sooo you see, i've dealt with late people before, i used to be a late person and it's annoying for those who aren't late (now I realize I have been late just as recently as tues night meeting Remi (10 mins late) but the hollywood bowl had a show how was i to know...

anyway, i know i'm being too picky and i got an email from him saying he had a good time so i'll prob. go out with him again! hopefully in the meantime (since I have network pitches next week and can't go out seeing as 3 beers ruins me) i hope disappearing act guy calls.

SHOUT OUT TO REMI AND CARRIE FOR GIVING ME SUPER CUTE FLIP FLOPS THAT I WORE ON THE DATE LAST NIGHT....

just got back from my date... i think it went well, i think he liked me, i mean i'm not sure i liked him, he's v. v. v. v. nice, but i'm not sure if I liked him enough. Grrr, i wish it was easier.

oh and he drove me home and in the car shook my hand as i got out but i think he was about to maybe pull me in closer for a kiss (this is PURE SPECULATION) but i hit the eject button and it's weird... i dont htink i wanted to kiss him. GRRRRR i hate dating!!!

here's how this is going to end

I just read this on CNN. it's a story about a giuy who killed his wife cause her medical expenses were so high.this is how i will die eventually

why do i feel like this is going to happen to me! I was online at bank of america and over the next 8 months (i have set up my own payment plan to all my doctors) approx: $2500 is going out of the account to pay for all my medical probs. this year. OY!

cedars keeps calling saying "um, you only sent a check for $70..." I guess they want me to put the entire balance on my credit cards, but they can suck it cause they're lucking they're getting $70 a month in the first place! but they're like "i'm trying to help you and i dont understand what you mean by a payment plan" and I'm like "it's whats more conventinet for me!" and then i hang up.

anwyway, i'm supposed to have a date tonight with this guy... we'll call him teddie. it's a sort of set up and i've actully met him before so we'll see. I haven't heard from him today so who knows.

i'm going to email the disappearing act guy back today. let's see what happens...

could you run 7KM dressed as a gorilla?

well, i will be finding out if i can on september 22 in london!! i just bought a ticket, i said fuck it, i need a vacay, and if people need to meet with me the 6 business days i'm gone, they can suck it and i'll just say i'm gong to london on business. Which won't be a lie as i'm going to set up meetings over there with productoin companies b/c they love american tv writers there! woo hoo! so i'm psyched!!!!!! because this time next year maybe i'll be moving there to write tv shows for hte BBC!! YOU NEVER KNOW!! the great gorilla run

anyway, i'm doing this run to raise money for gorillas (please donate 20 bucks when I ask) and 1000 people do it and are dressed in gorilla costumes you get for the price of admission! I'M SO PSYCHED!! it's going to be a great way to meet people b/c afterwards they have a big drink up and i'm going to meet and kiss many english lads who will be enamored by me and my sense of adventure!!!

OMG

HEY FINALLY FUCKING EMAILED AFTER 2 WEEKS!!! HOLY CRAP AND NOW HE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH ME!!! HUH? WHAT?

parental trip

went to catalina on friday morn with my parents. I do not like beach destinations, mostly because I live in LA and it's sunny and 75 ALL YEAR so going to the beach is like being here... that being said, i agreed to go to this island as my parents really wanted to. at the beach, i sat dumbfounded trying to understand this culture of people who like to just sit and sit and sit in the sun. I am irish for one and cannot tolerate the sun even with SPF 45 being applied every hour. I also find it soo freakin' boring. i just cant sit and do nothing. I literally watched these peopel who seemed like they were having fun, sure they were drinking and i wasn't but still what is fun about the bbeach? it's a complete and total mystery to me COMPLETE AND TOTAL MYSTERY AMIGOS!!

my mom and i rented a tandem kayak and kayaked for about an hour on saturday around the boats and into the different coves, that was fun. whenever my friend amy and i go to a destination, we always end up kayaking and then we realize we hate kayaking, this happens every time we go away. we forget how much we hate kayaking each and every time. but i had to do something other than just sit on the beach again. it was fun looking at the boat names.

oh and the entire trip my parents wer elike He's cute, talk to him, the captain of the boat is cute (not cute BTW and like 20), my dad picked out this really tan guy wearing a sleeveless shirt on the beach, i told him he was too tan, my dad said i'm too picky, i said "him being so tan indicates to me that he likes to go to the beach, A LOT! and i do not AT ALL so we dont have common interests. If I saw a guy on a motorcycle i'd think the same thing about him, he engages in high risk behavior that I do no like."

i also asked my parents if they thought I should become a nun. I am clearly trying to figure out what i'm doing with my life, like everyoen i know, but i finally had some clarity that I should become a nun to which my mother said " you woudln't make a very good nun!!!!!" i was like clarify "you would be great at anything you'd do, but you'd be bored as a nun and also they tel you what to do and when to do it and you dont like that" my dad told me they'd make me clean toilets... that was enough to get me off that dream....

fran and jack came yesterday (those are my parents, i never call them such except behind their back) I picked up sammies from Joan's on 3rd and some veggies and we enjoyed a nice lunch and then went on a hike to runyon canyon. It was SLOOOOW GOING! i am usually done with the hike in like 30 mins and this took us a little over an hour.

it's weird to realize your parents are old.

anyway, then we had dinner at a vietnemese restaurant in my neighborhood and took a walk around robertson, that was fun and then headed back to my place where they both fell asleep on my couch. they're staying in my room so i kicked them off the couch so i coudl go to sleep at 11PM, i never go to sleep that early.

got up eeearrrrllly this a.m. and my mom and i went to the grocery to get cows milk (i only have soy) and some cereal more to their liking (who doesn't like honey nut cheerios?) and then hit up the coffee bean for some scones and coffee and headed back to eat b'fast (i hate people who stay with me who like to eat all the time, jeez! what's wrong with a little thing of yogurt for dinner?)

and now i'm working at the guild and heading with them to catalina tomorrow. my dad booked a 830am boat, which means because they'll want to eat b'fast before we leave, we'll have to get up around 6am (oh did i mention they're neurotic about leaving for things HOURS before you need to?!?!?!)

donations

I have brought over the past 5 months, approximately 9 bags of stuff to be donated to good will. If you have come to my apartment, you can't help but notice it's empty. When the door was found open the other day the girl said she couldn't tell if I had anything stolen because i didn't have anything to begin with.

i decided when I dropped off another load this morning (of stuff i didn't want when I unpacked but couldn't take to the drop off place until i was allowed to pick up stuff) and on my way i thought I hope whatever thing that has been giving me bad luck was in that bag that I just got rid of. I think I might just get rid of everythign I own and start anew and then whatever thing I have that's causing me all this stress and bad luck will be gone.... unless a spell has been put on me then... well then i'm not sure what i'm going to do. That would make me sad as i always fancied myself a friend of those in the witch and wizard world... I MEAN I LOVE HARRY POTTER!!

My parents are on their way to visit me. It's only their 2nd time in 11 years, i think the talk of me not believing in God back in May had something to do with it. Don't worry, my children, I am back on the God train. ALL ABOARD!!


The security guard just talked to me again this morning, and this is the line he opened up with "So, the news is crazy."

uh, ok. and he went on to explain what he meant. something about TV news. GRRRR

HAPPY 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY

TO MY APPENDIX FREE BODY.

dont worry i wont be celebrating it every month, i just realized today was the 7th and decided to mention it.

anyway, i think i have become more ornery since my appendix was removed, i wonder if my appendix made me nice and now without it, i'm an angry bitch.

it's weird that people at the Writers guild all know my name and i know nobodys name. Like one woman today saw me pick up variety and then called my name and was like I ripped something out of there. And I was like " you know my name? how is that possible? I have never ever heard ur name before." naturally i didn't say anything like that

but the security guards all know my name and all the other people here know my name and the reason I know a few peoples names is because i sign in and see who is there and if tere are only like 3 people through deductive reasoning I figure out their names but other than that, no idea who they are... see i'm a bitch. i guess my appendix was the nicest part of me after all.

and another thing

so i was at my friends house tonight just aksing his advice and lamenting about my current job sitch and bad day and he said "at least your not so and so, she has it really bad!"

why do people do that? when i was growing up, i was sick a lot and i'd be like "i have a sore throat" and my mom would always say "so do I." and then another time I'd be like "i have the flu" and she'd be like "so do I" WHAT? NO U DONT!!??

why do people have to always tell u they've or soemone they know has it worse. why aren't we allowed to be disatisfied with our lives. or frustrated or exhausted? who wants to hear about someone elses problems when they're having a crap day?

yes, i've been to Africa, i've been to guatamala I've seen poverty and struggle and yes I realize i have it preeeetttty nice compared to them, but still can't i please be annoyed at my life when shit happens? fuck!

TOP 5 BAD LUCK I HAD TODAY

1. my gym membership that I had been getting for free for the past year was discovered and now i'm not getting it for free. so now i have to join another gym. the gymi want to join that is super cheap and good and i have a few friends who go there is on beverly, but there are other people who go there who i dont want to see... what to do, i mean the price is right... well it's not free but it's pretty close.

2. my friend was right about my blind script deal, it's a total fucking bullshit hoax, thanks to my agents who didn't inform me of that. so i guess i just need to sell this pilot.

3. my MTV deal is a fucking joke and my agents dont think i should take it.

4. someone came into my apartment today and then proceeded to leave the door wide open ALL DAY! yeah, my neighbor was like "your door was open all day." I have no idea who came in seeing as no one was authorized to do so. and nothing was taken sooooo it's weird. but still the door was open all day. this happened to my neighbor yesterday so when she saw my door open today she called the cops and they hung out tonight in my apartment. I live 1 block from bev hills in a safe neighborhood so it's weird.

5. i got invited to a party for my very good friends new baby and he writes on a show with my old writing partner and she is getting invited to the party too and i think it's going to be awkward to see her for the first time in 5 years at this party.

pfffttt. i need to go to bed before anything else happens today.

annoyed

well i am annoyed today and for so many reasons:

1. the boy never called, so i'm utterly confused about why he called and asked me out only to unask me out and then neve3r contact me again. why call me in the first place?

2. I'm annoyed at peopple who say things like "you still get tired from your surgery?" yeah, IT'S CALLED A RECOVERY FOR A REASON. like i'm making it up that i get wiped out easily... i sent an email to my friend a week and a half ago (only 2.5 weeks after the surgery) saying i might not be able to go to her cabin for the weekend cause i was so tired and she coudn't believe that after 2.5 weeks i'd still be tired... um, okay, i had a fucking pussy infected appendix in my body you dumb ass. thankfully she's pregnant so 2.5 weeks after her giving birth i'm going to say "huh, i ddin't think you'd still be so tired from giving birth." i'm a bitch. and then someone else said "well it's not like it was a major surgery.." yeah, it wasn't open heart surgery agreeed, but I guess every surgery is minor surgery EXCEPT WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOU. it's not like i had a fucking mole removed.

3. i got a deal with a studio back in march and haven't gotten paid yet. this wouldn't be a big deal except this weekend my friend said "oh my agent said that if you dont' sell a pilot they dont have to pay you under your deal." so now im freaking out cause i'm fucked if i dont get paid.

4. i'm annoyed at having to be annoyed at all these people.

where is the love?

no idea what i said to this boy to make him break out date and never call me again. literally our conversation lasted maaaaaaayyybbbeee 15 mins and apparentlly i said something that he must have thought about over the next 2 hours that cuased him to call and cancel the date, claiming illness (do not use that when you're not sick, being a constanly infirmed person I am offended) and then saying he'd call the next day to reschedule and never calling. why even pretend, why do the whole song and dance of "hey when are you avail this week?, WHY EVEN CALL ME IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?! next time dont tell your friend that sure you'll go out with me!!

what the fuck is wrong with men???!! why do they do all this? someone please answer me that

BOY UPDATE: I JUST CHECKED HIS MYSPACE PAGE (OH YEAH I DID) AND HE SIGNED IN TODAY WHICH MEANS HE'S NOT DEAD, WHICH IF HE WERE I'D FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT ME GOING OFF ON HIS INSENSITIVE BEHAVIOR, BUT NOW IT'S JUSTIFIED AND I WISH I COULD DO MORE.